| Quotes |
Topic |
| Cliches and One Liners | I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. |
| Science | People in the computer industry use the term 'user,' which to them means 'idiot.'. |
| Immortality | It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune. |
| Decisions | I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. |
| Dogs | Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear. |
| Government | We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it. |
| Karate | Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world. |
| Men and Women | What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted, and sometimes, just to be held. What Men Want: Tickets for the world series. |
| Men and Women | Eternal boyhood is the dream of a depressing percentage of American males, and the locker room is the temple where they worship arrested development. |
| Men and Women | If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers. |
| Government | Democracy: In which you say what you like and do what you're told. |
| Society | Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter. |
| Baseball | If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base. |
| Women | If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base. |
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