| Quotes |
Topic |
| Age | Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough. |
| Books | Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. |
| Children | My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one. |
| Clowns | A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast. |
| Immortality | Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped. |
| Jokes | If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again. |
| Justice | Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. |
| Laughter | From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it. |
| Life | The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while. |
| Literary | From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it. |
| Media and Entertainment | We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. |
| Music | Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. |
| Principles | Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others. |
| Resignation | Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member. |
| Society | Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member. |
| Television | I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. |
| Unhappiness | No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend. |
| Wives | Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough. |
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